Winter is a great time to date me.
I am very cute in the cold — pink cheeks, felt beret, making hot cocoa and roasting chicken and sweet potatoes in my kitchen. I will make us a thermos of mulled wine to share and we can walk to the lake and look at all the ice.
In the winter I am sleepy all the time, like a panda bear. We can curl up on the sofa under a big blanket and drink tea while the sun sets at 5pm, then eat a bucket of cinnamon rolls and watch a movie and go to bed at nine.
If you want to get a head start on winter, I am delightful in autumn as well. I dress very “Irish potato farmer meets New York lesbian” and smell like campfire smoke most of the time. I will want to spend every heckin day on a hike somewhere, or drinking apple cider, or both. I am probably the coolest version of myself in autumn because I like to drink lots of bourbon and do a variety of social activities before my hibernation begins.
I am also a good person to date in the springtime. As the world thaws, my hands will return to their usual remarkable softness. I love spring flowers like a four-year-old loves dinosaurs, so I will be very energetic and ready to spend lots of time outside having picnics and foraging violets and asking to pet other people’s dogs. I will teach you lots of unnecessary facts about the local plants, and then make a big salad with many of them.
In summer I turn into a sweaty pile of mosquito bites, so it is probably my least attractive season. Don’t get me wrong — I am still hot — but also I am hot. When I get too warm I am very grumpy. You will find me, most days, wearing a sundress and lying flat on the floor wherever it is coolest. My hair will stay in a bun until it can hold itself up there without any assistance.
Given these considerations, the most logical time to start dating me is probably September, so we can have most of a year to enjoy ourselves before the grumpy season. Alternatively, you can take me somewhere temperate like Ireland or Alaska for the summer. This clever hack extends my delightfulness through the entire calendar year.
But the best time to start dating me is, of course, right now.
